My most urgent need

     Well, she made it until 3:45p. She is sleeping on my lap as I type. We are in the she-doesn't-need-a nap-everyday phase. Guess she did need one today. All I did was pick her up and sit down to check my e-mail.
     I really didn't want to work out anyway. I've been wanting to sit and reflect on the last couple of weeks of life; now I can do just that with a snoring 3yr old on my lap.
     Her snoring will be fixed in March. Next week she goes for a sleep study; ENT doc suspects that she has sleep apnea. Then she gets her tonsils and adenoids out, along with the shrinking of something else that is swollen in there. Oh, and we found out she has silent reflux. She's never complained.
     Its crazy, she has been with us for just about 2 years now, but there are days that I still can't believe we went to China and brought home our daughter. We took a step of faith adopting her. And on the other side of that obedience God has given us many moments for which I am grateful. Not because it has been a piece of cake, but because I have come to know God in deeper ways.
     Our pastor talked the other day about telling Jesus to do His will in our lives. "That's a dangerous prayer...but it's the right one," he said.
     I love that he said it's a dangerous prayer. It's dangerous because Jesus might actually call you to something that you have no interest in doing when first presented with the situation. It's dangerous because it might actually be hard. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Jesus wants to give us life to the full, but I do not believe fullness in life comes from being comfortable.
    Ann Voskamp, in One Thousand Gifts, says "...trusting God is my most urgent need." In my old age of 40 years, I would say that I agree with her.
    Natalie has high-functioning Asperger's; Maggie has hydrocephalus - health issues. Does that mean that my life is not blessed because God fashioned them this way? Does God love our family less because these diagnoses take effort to deal with, or may require extra financial means? Not at all! In many ways I feel that these bring all the more blessings b/c of the way they draw me to the power of God.
     Matt and I talk about whether or not we feel God will ask us to adopt past Nolan. We would both tell you we hope not. We would love to be the family that can bless other adoptive families financially, as we have been blessed by so many. But what if He does call us to a 5th? I'm sure I would have some more stubborn fellowship with Him, but I can tell you I would do it. Why? Because even when I am exhausted Jesus isn't. When I can't see what the future holds, I can still see God. Not always with a clear plan, but through a peace that goes beyond myself.

      Joy in the midst of another three year old tantrum.
      Peace in the wait to see our second son's face.
      Steadiness in learning a new parenting style with a pre-teen who has not yet decided she wants to be taught.
      Gratefulness in the fact that Natalie and Jaydn still want to be read to every night.
      Rest in a love that is too great to understand fully.

     Jesus doesn't always show up with fireworks. It's often in the mundane of life. And I don't want to try and figure God out, you know, like have to have Him make sense. I just want to know Him.

Maggie woke up before I finished writing. She sat on my lap and cried for 10 minutes...loudly. My anger rose, I wanted to put her in her room. Thank you Lord for Daniel Tiger and paint.