Unseen Domain

     "Mom, when is it going to be my turn to make friends?"
     The question came from Maggie, two weeks into making our move to AZ.
     I feel like my heart is in the same place. Jesus' joy and strength got me here; led me to obey the calling of another move. Yet, on the other side of that obedience I feel lost. My soul is quiet and sad at times. I feel as if I am wading through the loneliness, trusting that Jesus is FOR me and didn't just lead Matt to AZ, He led me and the kids too.
     So I find myself asking Jesus where He needs me; what He is going to give me passion to do b/c, honestly, I don't have passion for much right now.
     When we arrived in AZ Matt was home for one week and then went on a 5-day youth trip. So here I am in a new town, with no friends, living in our new home which needs unpacked, still being the only parent in the home to calm the unending nit-picking between our kids.
     When Matt got back home, my whole being shut down. Exhausted. I cry to myself often b/c I am tired. I am missing those I know, yet I just want to be alone.
     I think about our move to Charlotte 10 years ago; the same struggles, at different levels. I remember that my mother was going through chemo/radiation for breast cancer at the same time we moved. I felt so much guilt for leaving her, yet my trust in Jesus to care for her was bigger than the guilt.
     This time around, I have a sweet friend who lost her two boys in a terrible tragedy the weekend before we left. And while I KNOW that my hug would not heal her, I have had the hardest time with that. I wasn't there. But it's not guilt this time, it's just sadness. Like I am missing out on helping to take care of them. All I have to do is think of her and the tears fall. I'm going to believe that those tears are the spirit of Jesus washing over her and her husband.
     Why do I so often feel like God's strength is based on what I can see? Why do I diminish God's power like that?
    For over two years, Jesus has been placing a certain celebrity on my heart, every-single-day. I doubt that I will ever meet this person (although I already call her my friend), but that lack of distance doesn't stop the heaviness of the spirit leading me to pray for her.
     What if my passion is to be a prayer warrior for those I will never be physically near?
     What if my part in bringing the Kingdom of God to earth, is behind the scenes?
     Would my heart ever be content with that? Now THAT would be a work of the Spirit!

[Matthew 6:6] But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

     That verse, my friends, was just given to me by reminder of the Spirit at work in me. The reward? His never-ending presence within me that grows my faith to know that that which is not seen by me is still His domain.